My Everyday is a Winding Road

(This blog was originally posted for no reason last Feb 23, 2006. Today, a fellow made it ‘meaningful’ to me.)

“We love, we learn and we move on…and that’s OK” - Lisa Metzger

There were a lot of times I was just looking at its billboard from the inside of an MRT coach but was never excited nor looking forward to see Uma Thurman out of her yellow suit and portray another character in this movie.

But one weekend, as I was hanging out with a good friend’s place…she loaded it in (the DVD! Haha!) I was also wondering why I came to love the movie - I have never been into that kind of situation anyhow! (not anymore) Maybe what I really loved about this movie is how two people met, dated, eventually fell in love and tried building a world together, realized that no matter how they love each other, it has to end - must move on and grow. It was not a happy ending, not even a “feel good” movie but it was all worth it for the movie made me realize that there is life after losing or giving up someone. Sure there will be times you’ll cross each other’s paths and just have to leave it at that. There will be big WHAT IF’s and it’s a matter of how one will manage to go through life without it. Hah! ‘nuff said! Hehehehe! Just wanna share a few good lines from the movie….

Rafi Gardet: I can’t. I can’t do this to you. You don’t want to.

David Bloomberg: You want to. It’s what you want so I want it.

Rafi Gardet: But you don’t. You would regret it.

David Bloomberg: I want to give you this gift.

Rafi Gardet: I know. And it’s the sweetest gift anyone has every given me. The fact that you are willing to do this for me shows how deep your love goes. That’s the gift I’m taking from you instead.

And this song…(a perfect match for the movie!)

I WISH YOU LOVE

Goodbye, no use leading with our chins

This is where our story ends

Never lovers, ever friends

Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day

But before you walk away

I sincerely want to say

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in july a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

I wish you love

I wish you love, love, love, love, love

I wish you love…

And today, two of my true and good friends and I got reunited. It was fun and all memories we had right from the time we were just foolish ‘teeners flashed back right before me. It really made me smile where we are right now-working very hard establishing and paving our direction towards quality life and happiness. 8 years of friendship and unconditional love for each other. Like brothers, we saw each other grew up and change whether it was worst or for the better, with open arms we accepted each other. We saw each other’s ups and downs and how we managed to go through it together. We had times of quarrels and misunderstandings but just like a true family, we are still intact. There were times that we were apart but when there’s an opportunity for us to get together, pure and clean fun happens. Like the usual, we spent time talking and talking until we find ourselves waking up the next day - updating each other, sharing problems and giving advices, cracking jokes and telling new life revelations. It is true that you will get to meet new friends but the friends you really grew up with will stay until you get old and grey. And this I say is the perfect relationship one could ever get in his entire life…Maui and Rodwin. You guys are the comfort that I need right now. The Power of Three: Generation Next!

Now, I finally admit that when I give myself to someone, I could not easily take it back to me once the shot has been called. I still always see possibilities and chances. And it is happening right now. The full wrath of my fortress like the ‘Great Wall of China’ that was once there standing up strong has been weakened. It would be very hard to restore it each time it has been destroyed with the city. That is why I do not easily give up once a city is built inside it. I remember the movie “The Story of Us”, I would like to quote Katie Jordan (Michelle Pfeiffer) when she said, ‘In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy there are cities built on top of other cities, but I don’t want another city, I like this city.’ Lucky for her because Ben Jordan (Bruce Willis) thinks and holds the same way she does to their relationship. And years before having this blog, Katie and Ben Jordan’s belief has been my Philosophy - that should I start building a new city on top of the old one, despite of the goodness it can bring, I shouldn’t do it if I foresee that I wouldn’t be able to take in to swallow and accept even the most worst thing that the new city is about to offer or any worst that could happen on it in the first place. And once the city is there - It would only be the city that I would like to be in. Unfortunately, some people I have built a city with before didn’t look at it that way. They left the old cities that were inside the old fortresses to become ruins. It was too damn hard and sad. All cities built became ruins and eventually – a waste. I cannot force this Philosophy to the person I share my life with. I could just let the person see that this is my Philosophy and wish that somehow it can be that person’s Philosophy too. And if the person does, what is left after the hurricane and thunderstorm or any destruction that occurred should be restored and be built with a stronger foundation. Brink of destruction can come back anytime with a different face but should still stick to this city no matter what and go back to the restoration cycle. If not, it will just be left as a ruin again. If that unfortunately happens, it will not be easy and I will be forced to start rebuilding a much stronger fortress than before until I decide for a new city to be built on top of it again. I hope this will not be the case but if so, I know it will take a very long time for the current city I like to be replaced with a new one and it will not be that easy like before.

And with my Philosophy come these lines from the movie:

Ben: Isn’t this the moment where one of us is supposed to say: Look, this is ridiculous, we love each other, all couples go through this, let’s give it another try.

Katie: Once you establish *anything* truly intimate with another person - even *talking* - it has to affect the person you’re supposed to be the most intimate with.

Rachel: [to Ben]: People *change* over time - you’ve got to expect that. Ben, the only way a relationship works is if people grow and change together!   

………

7/10/06

I love it when India Arie sings her rendition of 'Here's the mail it never fails' 

everytime I watch Nickelodoen with my nephew but this one is even better...

Holler me if you want zee MP3...

Just for Today 

Just for today, I will not worry what tomorrow will bring.
No No.
I'm going to try something new.
Walk through this day like I got nothing to prove
Yeah yeah.

Although, I have the best intentions
Can't predict anyone's reactions
So I just do my best.
I put one foot in front of the other
And keep on moving forward
And let God do the rest.

I don't know what's going to happen that's alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery.
I don't know what's going to happen, that's alright with me.
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery.

Just for today I'm telling the truth like it's going outta style, yeah
I'm going to swallow my pride, and be who I am,
And I don't care who don't like it, yeah.
I feel the fear but I do it anyway
I won't let it stand in the way, I know what I must do. Yeah.
There's no guarantee that it'll be easy,
But I know it'll be fufilling and it's time for me to sure improve.

Yeah it's okay, not to know.
Exploration is how we grow
It's okay to not have the answer
Cause sometimes it's the question that matters.

I don't know what's going to happen that's alright with me
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery.
I don't know what's going to happen, that's alright with me.
I open up my arms and I embrace the mystery.

Just when you have gathered enough strength and decided to let someone know that you exist…you’ll just be ignored. You will realize that it was way much better when you were in your comfort zone rather than getting out of your way for nothing. Oh well, the good thing about it is finding out that YOU do not exist for them from the time you were just standing on the corner until you walked up and get Unnoticed - circle of life 

"If I Didn’t Love You"

So good
When it’s good I wanna spend my whole life lovin’ you
But I’m tired
And you don’t know how close I’ve come to leaving you
You try my patience
And you race me to the wire
It takes every ounce of my will and desire
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you like crazy
If I didn’t love you baby
As much as I do
I’d just walk out the door
I couldn’t take it anymore
I wouldn’t put up with what you put me through
If I didn’t love you
It’s hard
But you won’t give up ’till you
Push me to the wall
But I know
You’re the only one who’ll be there for me
When I call (oh yes you will)
I can’t help believing
That it’s worth it somehow
Cause I’ve worked too damn hard
To wanna give up now
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you like crazy
If I didn’t love you baby
As much as I do
I’d just walk out the door
I couldn’t take it anymore
I wouldn’t put up with what you put me through
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you
Nah, If I didn’t
If I didn’t love you like I do
When you love someone
Nothings black or white
When the riptide runs
There’s no wrong or right
I’ll sail with you but I’ll refuse to drown
So don’t you take me down, down
Take me down down
Don’t you take me down, down, down
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you
I’d walk out that door
I don’t need it anymore
Need to put up with what you put me through
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you
If I didn’t love you like I do o o o
I’d walk out that door
I’m not comin’ back no more
No more

It conquers all, it changes everything…

It’s a blessing, it’s a gift…

It’s a miracle…

it conquers all, but it’s a mystery…

It breaks your heart…

It takes no less than everything…

It fades away so easily…

It breaks the chains…

It aches for everyone…

It takes the tears and the pain…

And turns it in to the beauty that remains…

Love is…

At last I was able to play my fave sport after a long time.
It’s been a while since I updated this blog site. As of now, (no matter how
hard I try not to admit) I feel some emptiness inside. I feel bored and there’s
no spice in my life. I hope this is just an episode. Coz I know that I have my
friends who I can spend my time with and enjoy doing stuff. I must say that it
is really easy for me to make someone feel good about himself / herself whenever
he / she is feeling like this, which, on the other hand, makes it very hard to
make “me” feel good when I am the one who’s low. I hope I would get to have a happy
thought to keep me going everyday and for the rest of my life, most especially
in times like these. Ah! I know. For the time being, I’ll just read my
testimonials. Whenever I feel sad / low, reading them can perhaps get me
through the “low” days. (Sana madagdagan pa ang testimonials ko…at talagang nagpaparining ako!
)

Irresistible Distraction

by Agustin Aristeo Bautista

Irresistible Distraction…how should I define this. All of us have this Irresistible Distraction in life. You’ll never realize it until you have come to your senses that this thing or person had become an Irresistible Distraction for you. At a glance, you’ll find the word so negative. You might find it as a temptation that lures you in doing something that you should not have done in the first place. An enticement that excites and weakens you at the same time, but it felt good during the moment you are being mesmerized by the/an Irresistible Distraction. This definition will just materialize in your mind at the end part, ‘coz you’ll feel something good from it at first.

You get what I mean? It can be a thing, an activity or a person. I’d say it isn’t an addiction nor a habit. You’ll just find yourself unable to do things the right way unlike before when nobody can stop you. You’ll find yourself that you cannot make it through the day without thinking about your, doing your, being with your, having your, or being DISTRACTED by the Irresistible Distraction and no matter how hard you try denying it to yourself – you really like the feeling, you will stop with what you are doing, you can see the Irresistible Distraction’s picture in your mind, then you’ll hear yourself ‘Tsk-ing,’ a slight frown on your face until you sigh and eventually smile (with matching gleam on your eyes). Believe me all of us had our share of Irresistible Distractions. It happens whenever you are busy at work, walking at the mall, driving, studying or plain “me-trying-to-keep-myself-busy-today.”

What to do about it? It’s all up to you. Well actually, as I have said, you’ll never know that it was an Irresistible Distraction until you have come to your senses. I don’t mean to say that having an Irresistible Distraction is no good. For an Irresistible Distraction can eventually become something worthy of your time. How? If the ‘symptoms’ suggest and you feel surreal about it, just wish, pray and work on it. Pray and work it out so that it may become “lasting.” Otherwise, just go with the flow until you get used of not being distracted. You’ll learn it for sure. Until you find yourself getting back on track, back to your normal life, refreshed and more lethal than before.

I believe that an Irresistible Distraction comes to our lives for a reason. It is just a phase which you will eventually know, until you come across that it/she/he was really just a distraction. However, the Irresistible Distraction can be what you really need and wishing for. It can be a mere distraction that brought nothing good until you realized it. A distraction that might bring you happiness or might plainly hurt you in the end. For whatever that is, we do not know. That is, until you’ll know and find yourself saying that it was once actually an Irresistible Distraction for you. If it lasts, be happy and thankful with it, but if not, stop fretting and resentful that it was just a distraction that lead to nothing, instead, be happy with the fact that, although you had better things to do and think about, there was once an Irresistible Distraction that made you feel good about yourself and throughout the days you were being distracted. — JT

The article below is really nice. I kept a copy of this up until yesterday. When I was listening to Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” Album, I discovered that there is a cut which happens to be of the same title.  So I decided to share this to you, guys coz for sure you’ll gonna like it and Natasha Bedingfield’s song too!!! J

The One That Got Away

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you
shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the
one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your
virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the
one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who(m) everything
was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was
no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards
just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime
partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually
argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with
the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and
commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When
you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who(m) you’re
with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials
become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s
not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not
yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll
be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most
perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in
your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the
right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really
will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you
find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach
is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and
you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s
no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could
be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it
doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some
reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here
today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am
and not as I was?" That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What
if?" you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that
got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your
marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re
mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this
is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen
your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so
often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have
been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which
case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories
of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the
future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do
if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very
existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what
if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if
you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be
"the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got
away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If
the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and
you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able
to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."

*The Song…

"The One That Got Away"

Natasha Bedingfield

Would you spare me a minute give me a single chance
To look in your eyes let me hold your hand
I want to get close enough to read you, understand you
Open up your heart open up your mind
Nobody needs another stalker in your life
I’m only here to help you learn to love me, to know me

Chorus

I need a hook so you won’t be the one that got away
I need a look that stuns you makes you want to stay
Don’t want to speak in case it comes out wrong
Don’t want to blink cause in that second you could be gone
I need a twist to help me turn, turn this story around
I need a bridge to cross this dangerous ground
Meet me in the middle like I want you to
I gotta find your heart to shoot my arrow through

Did you see me staring you caught my eye
Don’t turn around don’t walk away
The night is young can we get together
Got so many questions feelings I can’t explain
We’re worlds apart don’t even know your name
I’m longing to give you my heart

[Chorus]

Turn around don’t evaporate
Like you never came turn around
Don’t be a ghost forever never there to haunt me
Sliding doors they aren’t just on a train
We’re alone on a platform in the rain
There’s a chance and it won’t come again
Turn around your whole life has changed

[Chorus]

‘Nuff of the mushy stuff…

After a week of hard work, we finally reduced our load. Hats off to my teammates. No more overtime for us. That’s good for me since I’ll be allowed to file for a vacation leave. Nah! Technically it is called "Vacation Leave" but this is not a leave to take my time off and go on a vacation. I need a leave so that I can finally stick my face on to the books I should have read months ago. Hay! Goodluck to me. Kakakayanin ko ito!

And finally…It’s my off! There’s nothing to be happy about, Jstin coz you’re back to review school! Tsk! :-S